I quit my job and my life still feels like a nightmare, or at least a strange dream I can’t get out of. I had a bad day, a worst day that I just couldn’t shake off at work and I knew I’d reached the end of me. Quitting was terrifying and I cried A LOT, not because of them but because of me. My employers and coworkers were all very kind and understanding, but I’m still having a hard time with it.
When I was eight years old I started inventing this character, this person I wanted to be whose problems had nothing to do with being sick. I got really good at in highschool, but after my last exacerbation, I don’t really recognize myself or what’s left. I’m trying to figure it out and I’m trying to take ownership of my differences and limitations. I’m trying take better care of myself in a way that I can have enough strength to enjoy my life instead of suffocate/hyperventilate through it; but I’m strange, and there has to be an abundance of grace in every room I walk into or I can’t function. My whit’s end is closer than most and I have to move in specific rhythms, rhythms I’m trying to re-establish, rhythms I couldn’t maintain at my old job. Rhythms like three balanced meals, a 2-3 mile walk or bike ride, SLEEP...not that I was suddenly eating junk, but meal times were odd and throwing off my rest cycles and my adrenal glands were working way too hard.
I’m still scared and I’m still trying.
I’m work on my TOP SECRET creative project for 4-6 hours everyday (sneak peek below). I try to enjoy reading and watching movies and ignore the voice in my head saying, “You only have time for this because your don’t have a job, because you can’t have a job.” I keep moving forward to leave the worst day far behind me, and here on day 180, that clenching feeling in my stomach is starting to relax, my project is finished, it’s cool and sunny outside, and Benjamin Mee had an encounter with a wild puma (currently reading We BOught A Zoo).
All the best to all of you on your journeys (health and otherwise).
***We are so glad to be seeing a lot interest in the Nutrasine promotion, so don’t wait! and send me a note if you have questions about my special diet I would love to hear from you.***